11 years with my best friend! It doesn’t matter whether you were given 2 years or 80, it never feels like you were given enough time with them. And then it is up to you to fill the voids and emptiness from them being gone and rediscover ways to find the happiness that they gave you.
You want to look for the quick fix, a way to just feel better fast. Just like with everything in life, it is hard to be patient as you try to navigate the new life without them. This also holds true during times when you gain something that you weren’t necessarily anticipating, …-for example, a broken arm or a new diagnosis.
Whether you can relate to this exact situation or not, I think we can all agree that no life is ever easy nor feels perfect. Rewards and successes are not just handed out, but instead they have to be earned. We often earn them through overcoming life’s obstacles, or hard times.
I lost my dog, Bentley, to kidney failure 10 days ago. Bentley was my everything…literally. He was my strength when I felt weak, a coping skill who always guaranteed me the best hug and could bring an automatic smile to my face no matter what.
I never considered myself a dog person. I got Bentley when I had permanently moved to my college town and away from my friends and family. He was my most loyal companion from day 1. He was there for the birth of my two boys in 2010 and 2012. He was there for the death of my mom in 2011. And he taught me strength in my daily fight against Parkinson’s disease.
So here I sit feeling so alone, so hopeless, afraid and sad because I don’t understand how I will continue to move forward in life without him. It is funny how when things seem to feel like they are going fairly smooth from one day to the next and than all of the sudden you are faced with a tragedy, we so easily forget our strength.
I forget the grief and pain I suffered when I lost my mom. But I grieved and allowed myself that time and was able to readjust to life without her. And now I am faced with this challenge all over again. This kind of challenge is difficult because every single thing reminds me of Bentley and his presence is sorely missed.
But it is my time to figure out how I will overcome this challenge and become a stronger person because of it. I have done it before and have confidence somewhere deep down in my broken heart that I will be able to do it again. I know dogs don’t live forever, but in my heart I never fully understood how this dog would ever leave me. But he has. And like I said, things are really hard for me right now. The light at the end of the tunnel is not there for me right now but I believe it will appear. Just like it has before. And I will again overcome, defeat or become stronger.
